When miss someone.

within a second after hear a short viberation from the cell, my eyes glance through my cell, to see if he is calling...... "Ken" this name appear through my head as i grab the phone. Too many times, the phone has been playing tricks on me, which there wasn't any calls or txm appear on the sceen...then followed by a period of disappointment.. My eyes are still staring at the phone.. wait it to surprise me. .HOwever, it just sit silencely waiting.
I don't know how long i have been like this, along, in my room, missing someone..... It is hard, and horriable. .. when i think about all the things we have done together, and this tickleing feeling appears. i dial his # then hear the ding ding ding ..sound beats with my heart, racing... Wish he can pick up the phone... Suddenly, a voice appears" you can leave a msg..." i hang off the phone ..
I know by repeating calling him is a bad idea. so bad that i might lose him as a friend. In the past, i called a guy like 100 times ... it was so stupid that i don't want to do that again. especailly when i found out guys are the ones suppose to be pushy.. anyway,,... i miss him .. but how can i say it out loud? I was too afraid that he will get tired of me, he will not like me , that he leave me .. and never talks to me.. the most important.. leave me thinking of him..
I hate the feeling of Missing someone.. You can sit by the window , breath cold air and not eat for the whole day or read a book and think he will be the prince and you will be the princess. you can image one day he will hide a ring in the ice-cream and wakes you up at morning. neverless, These things just get worse and worse.. when you keep think about ... how many kids you guys gonna have.. what kind house to buy???? Those imaginations are like poisons, draggs you out of reality.
cool, so, he still havn't called me yet... but why am i still thinking about him? a lier? a ignorer? or i am just too attached to him? Am I ?
No.. I miss him, I want to see him and i might attached to him... but Seriously... I don't want to fall in love with him.. it is so painful that i will never do that to myself..