Blindness

I confess i am lazy. .. really lazy. been sitting on the same desk for 4 hrs and all i did is surfing online.. what cought my eyes was many fansinating pictures. they fillfull my inside emptyness. .. who would knw, colorful world contains only colors after all..
After gone though LV bags and D&G fashion shows.. what else could i do ?/ jog on some notes about how much i am going to spend on my birthday.. my 18th birthday.. should i buy something big for myself.. i knw i really want to ... so , i was thinking to go to SouthPoint this weekend to get some makeup and cloth... hahhh.. what a lonely life..
all my life believed that money can heal everything, even broken heart. it does indeed. everytime i felt sad i will always go shopping... everytime with a handful of bags,.. instead of happyness.. it is a kinda of guilt. what have i done? is that true that all i can do is spend my parents' money and waste my time? ?? an inside conflict arouse ..
I want to do alot in my life.. i want to be successful, just like my parents, especially my mom.. there is too many reasons why.. why my father died early that left her working so hard. .. let her raise me along.. sometimes i wonder only my birth father was here right now, would i be happier ? like even richer? .... I laughed.. what childhood memory can't be ereased, what the luxury life can't be taken from memory.. I hate thisfeeling.. i hate this Lonely Life ..
exactly... what you can buy is fake, what you can't buy is alwasy glamorous.. try to apply to everything.. exactly..